There is a rule in Weight Watchers known as “You bite it, you write it.” The rule means if you eat or drink something (anything), you should count it towards your daily point allowance.
I customized the program a bit so it would meet my needs.
Dana’s Unofficial Guide to Weight Watchers
1. If you will eventually pee it out, it doesn’t count. For example, you can drink coffee with cream and sugar, wine, beer, pop or even a margarita! I like to call this rule, “If it comes out in my pee, it doesn’t matter to me.”
2. If you eat it standing up, it doesn’t count. A handful of chips, the crust from your daughter’s PB&J sandwich, a cookie. If you are standing at the kitchen counter as you eat, the calories don’t count. This is otherwise known as, “If my butt’s not in the chair, I really don’t care.”
3. If your friend tells you something is fat-free, you believe her. I am lucky to have my office next to a good friend at work. One time, she convinced me to eat french fries from a local fast-food joint. She said they were fat-free. I believed her. She even gave me the most delicious fat-free cookie one time! Fine, she gave me a bunch of them. This rule is called, “If she says it’s fat-free, it’s good for me.”
4. Any food consumed near a holiday doesn’t count. Food associated with Christmas, Thanksgiving, St. Patrick’s Day, Columbus Day, the summer equinox, Daylight Savings Time, your neighbor’s birthday, a full moon, or any other holiday does not have a point value. This rule is, “It doesn’t matter what I ate when I was trying to celebrate.”
Truth be told, I’ve been questioning the effectiveness of the Weight Watchers program. I haven’t been losing much weight at all. I don’t know why…
8th Annual Slice of Life Story Challenge. Join at Two Writing Teachers.
Murphy's Law 
Thank you for a smile to start the day. These are rules I can definitely follow. Also don’t forget that chocolate is a vegetable and therefore good for you and if someone else prepared your dinner the calories don’t count.
If someone else prepared your dinner, the calories don’t count. Ha ha ha ha. If you made it for me, I’ll consider it free. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Hahahaha! I love your rules! What a fun slice. You made me laugh this morning. 🙂
I am a long time kind of Weight Watcher (done the program off and on for years) who watches mostly just watches my weight go up and up! You made me laugh. You forgot the rule that anything with fruit or vegetables in it- carrot cake, banana splits, cherry coke, doesn’t have points!
I used to subscribe to these rules too. And now you know why I had to go on a GF diet. (Btw: as of this morning I’ve lost 10 lbs since mid-January!). Anyway, I don’t think you need to lose weight. You look great and healthy! Keep up the diet above! 🙂
You certainly know your audience. This post made me smile and nod my head this morning as I finish my fat-free breakfast I enjoy with my friend. 🙂
Oh, these are better than the official WW rules! Thanks for making me laugh this morning! #4 was just perfect … celebrate summer equinox, full moon, DST … Now, why is it that you haven’t lost any weight? I just don’t understand … Sometimes you plateau, just stick with it! 🙂
This made me chuckle. I love the way your rules rhyme. I’m a WW dropout – so I can totally relate. Well done.
I’m struggling to lose a few pounds (like basically everyone) and these rules made me laugh out loud! Great humorous take on a topic that can be frustrating and emotional for many.
Dana, this is the best thing I’ve ever read. I am dying here with laughter!! I love your rules. Funny thing, I’ve been following a similar diet lately. =) Do what makes you happy, right?!
And you should add, laughing at these rules is great exercise!
This is hilarious and should be published somewhere! Your rhyming rules are too funny! Thank you for sharing this!!!
-Dana
Dana, I would like to join your unofficial Weight Watchers group!! I’m pretty sure I could be successful!!
What a hilarious Slice! I was back and forth between laughing and wondering if you were in my head! I feel like I have used the “fat-free” one a bit!
I think you’ve got it right. Weight Watchers is entirely too regimented! They need to loosen up! Geez. What do they think, that every single thing we put in our mouths is going to add up, or something??
That’s hilarious, Carrie! Right. What’s a cookie or seven going to do? Geesh.
I am so glad I read these rules, Dana – I feel SO MUCH BETTER about the way I’ve been going about my diet. Thank you! 🙂
OMG, this is so funny but yet TRUE ! I love rule number 1! If it comes out in my pee it doesn’t matter to me. bahahahaha,!!! I always wonder why they tell you to drink all this water everyday…you just pee it out anyway!
Great Slice! made me laugh!!!
I love your first rule if you drink it it doesn’t count cause you pee it out!! Thanks I’ll have an extra wine tonight!
What a hoot!
Too funny! I love your pithy rhyming alternative rules. I’m especially fond of “If it comes out in my pee, it doesn’t matter to me.” You just convinced me to have another glass of wine. 🙂
I think this needs to be changed to “official.” Love it!
Now those sound like my kind of rules! Thank you for a funny post. I certainly can relate to it.
The Summer Equinox, Daylight Savings Time…Ha! This was HILARIOUS! And please listen to Stacey. Like, I always tell you, you don’t need to lose any weight! 😉
Still laughing. I never joined weight watchers so never felt compelled to follow their rules. Your rules, however, are catchy and appealing and will make wonderful posters for my kitchen wall!
You are my new Life Coach. 😉 This was simply lovely to read and embraced a topic that’s been ticking me off (weight loss) with humor. Thanks!
I am cracking up at this. These rules might be the best ever. If only they worked.
Wait. So that’s not how Weight Watchers really works?! So funny. I seriously think everyone that’s done WW has followed these rules but you were able to write about it perfectly.
You made my day!! My grandma said if you eat standing up, the calories go right out of your toes.
I didn’t know that eating as a poet, your body doesn’t know it! Ha! Dana, you are too funny! This is my good night post. I’ll be laughing all the way to bed!
Dana, this cracked me up! What a funny slice!
haha…such a cute list! I can totally follow your rules!