Dear Weight Watchers

See More Slice of Life Writing over at Two Writing Teachers

See More Slice of Life Writing over at Two Writing Teachers

Dear Weight Watchers,

Hi.  It’s me again.

I know you thought you’d probably never hear from me again after the way I left.

First, let me apologize.  I’m sorry for the things I said when we were last together.  I don’t think you’re a “stupid program”, and I know it hurt when I called you a “bunch of crap.”  You are not either of those things, and I’m sorry.  I also don’t think you’re a “big pain in my a$*.”  Sorry.  I know my words hurt you.

Secondly, I want you to know that I’ve changed a bit since we were last together.  I’ve grown – literally.  I’ve gotten softer, too – also literally.  I’m a different person now.  You probably wouldn’t even recognize me.  I even went out and bought all new clothes, in a bigger size.  I swear, it’s like I’m a fatter different version of myself.

I know this part is going to be hard for you to hear, but I think you should know the truth.  In these few months that we lost contact, there was another program.  It didn’t last long – 21 days to be exact.  There was a new food plan and even some workout videos, but it was nothing, I repeat nothing, like you.  It was short term.  It was a fling.

So.  Now that I’ve learned about proteins, lean meats, and clean eating… I’m wondering if maybe you and I could give it one more shot?  I’m smarter now.  I’m ready to make the commitment.  I would love it if you and I were going strong by summer, if you know what I mean.  I’ll give you the attention you deserve each and every day by counting my stupid  points, which I now realize is at the heart of our relationship.  I won’t forsake you for late-night temptations.  I won’t.  And I won’t make up my own rules like “If I pee it out, it doesn’t count.”  I’ll play by your rules this time.

Will you please accept my apology and give me a second chance?

Love,
Dana

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30 thoughts on “Dear Weight Watchers

  1. Dana,
    I LOVE this. It is so creative and so true. Isn’t it wonderful when creative and true work hand in hand.

    I also have a love affair with Weight Watchers so we are seeing the same ex. I have had great fun with him since late November and have left 25 pounds of me in the dust. Am looking to leave more by summer as well. So, I hope it is alright if we share the same ex. I don’t mind if you don’t. There is enough of him to go around.
    Deborah

  2. This made me giggle form the very first line! I have a love affair going on at the moment and not a breakup insight. Thermi I call him, short for Thermomix. I think he would really like your ex. I liked the way you wrote this and I hope you two can patch things up and drop all of your “excess baggage.” 🙂

  3. A great slice for first thing in the morning! I had a smile on my face the whole time I was reading. Best wishes as your rekindle an old relationship. Isagenix is the relationship of choice here and you’re correct, it has to be a forever lifestyle change, not just a short term, half-hearted relationship. Spread the love!

  4. Adorable. I must tell you, however, that YOUR EX and I are having a long-standing-off-and-on-again-affair. We’ve been at it for years and we can’t really live WITH each other NOR without each other. Right now, we are off, but come April 1st, and the end of SOL, I am going to try to “catch up” with YOUR EX!

  5. LOVE THIS. Read my post, “Stay away from the Bagel Tray!” I’m working on a similar goal. Not with WW (although, your post could have been my post!).
    Good luck!

  6. I love the format and I love your honesty and I love your humor. Have learned so much this month about writing from reading your posts almost every day. Thank you.

  7. OMG Dana I could have written this too!!! I think you have given me inspiration to “rekindle” my relationship as well. I think what drives me crazy is this weight loss is so slow . . . but I guess that is the best way to do it . . . patience. Good luck to us both 😉

  8. What a great letter to your ex. I was thinking about WW in the shower this morning. We have never had a relationship but I’m thinking, maybe we should. My annual physical is due soon and I don’t want to hear THAT lecture again. Why is it so easy to gain and so hard to lose?

  9. I am laughing out loud, especially when you apologize for calling it a “bunch of crap”! You truly have a way with words! This captures a lot of how I feel about eating right and exercising as well! Excellent Slice! Thank you for brightening up my Saturday morning!

  10. I Adore this Post! I just jumped off the scale this morning and was chattering to myself (Yes, myself) about weight loss and exercise. I laughed and cheered when I saw this. Thanks for the kick in the a$$ to get me going today, and I wish you best of luck as you rekindle your relationship!

  11. Yes, you have rekindled my relationship with WW. I had been thinking about it for the last couple of weeks. This winter has been a bear in keeping of lost weight. Loved your post. It made me chuckle and it had an underlying of truth. Jackie

  12. Ha! I am laughing out loud! Humor is so hard to do and you NAILED it – this is awesome Dana, seriously awesome. Just tweeted it. Too too good. I’m toasting you and your newly kindled relationship (with a glass of sparkling water, of course, 0 points).

  13. I absolutely love this! It was hilarious and yet captured how many of us current or former WWs feel. The writing was wonderful and the select words that were crossed out were just the icing on the cake. Ooohh….cake….wish I could have some low-point cake right now!

  14. Great slice Dana! Love the personification of Weight Watchers. I feel the frustration through your writing and you strong desire to just want to be healthy and lose weight. Perhaps I feel it even more as I am soooo struggling with the same issue. I don’t know what else to do. UGH!!! I see some light at the end of the tunnel for you…the willingness to accept the program and try, try and try again! Good luck! You can do it!

  15. Oh my goodness, I am wiping away the tears.If you pee it out, it doesn’t count. LOVE IT! Good luck with your newer relationship….I’m wondering if I could be a third wheel. 🙂

  16. Oh Dana so funny. You’ll do great. You’re a determined person and your rekindled relationship will work out. I know it. And P.S. you look great now as it is.

  17. Good luck with your (old) new relationship. May the softer side of you stay tough (strong) as you rekindle your love. (This was seriously the most hilarious letter I have ever read. And in all seriousness, good luck). 🙂

  18. I REALLY loved this post! 🙂 You are very clever and honest in your letter to your ex. LOL I have had the same relationship with WW… very on again off again. I wish you well this time! 🙂

  19. Dana,
    I have written this same letter so many times in my head. Each time, something happens and I miss a couple of meetings and then you either pay huge fees to catch up or you re-join. I like the program and I know it works. I know what to do, but there’s something about being “officially” on the program by paying that fee that makes it more real. Good luck and I hope this is the last time you rekindle this relationship.
    Carolyn

  20. Expecting something juicy in your writing–and well, maybe something juicy would be an apple. WW has been there for me–always willing to take me back. Good luck.

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